Reflections on leadership #4: Being human
“Our fearless leader” is a phrase used so often that we rarely stop to question if a fearless leader would actually be someone we would be inspired to follow. It’s easy to picture such a leader as a military general, striding confidently across a battlefield, seemingly oblivious to the surrounding danger, his (lesser & more fearful) troops nervously in tow.
This classic model of leadership inherently gives the leader “super-human” qualities, freed from the weaknesses that afflict lesser mortals. They set the aspirational bar in the hope that others can push themselves to be more like them.
Yet, we all know that super-man doesn’t exist. All of us have our weaknesses, our fears, our vices and our blind spots. So the fearless leader, has to draw a distinction between their public and their private self. And as the leader establishes their power by being “inhuman” it can be increasingly drawn to being inhumane — holding others up to an unachievable bar set by their public persona. Picture Lt Col Kilgore ordering his men to go surfing in Apocalypse Now.
Whilst it makes for great TV, does this throwback to military models of the previous centuries make for great leadership today?
When I reflect on the great leaders I have worked with, or been inspired by, they all share two key qualities:
- There’s no distinction between their public and their private self — they lead by embracing, celebrating & reflecting their whole self, weaknesses and all
- They have a high degree of empathy — they recognise others as individuals with feelings, emotions, passions, foibles and weaknesses
In summary, they inspire by being human, rather than inhuman and especially never inhumane.
Why do these traits make for great leaders?
A. We feel they are authentic which helps to build trust, the critical foundation of any team
B. We find them relatable as we share a common experience as a human even if those are overlaid with different experiences or values
C. We find them motivational because the public recognition of their weaknesses, makes us feel less inadequate for our own weaknesses
In private, most leaders I have ever encountered admit they regularly feel out of their depth, undeserving of their position and occasionally overwhelmed by stress, anxiety and even depression. Yet all too often when they step out on the stage, that’s hidden from public view. To the audience they are again the super-human.
Yet what more negative example could we set for our teams — who are feeling those same stresses, anxieties and depressions, who are lead to feel that they are a failure because your “fearless” leaders don’t have these weaknesses that affect us mere mortals. We can never hope to be a fearless leader ourselves, or at least not without hiding our foibles and thus the cycle starts all over again.
I know this because I have seen it, and felt it, myself — on both sides of that stage. I now know that I am prone to anxiety, occasional depression and sometimes crippling imposter syndrome. It’s always triggered by feeling I am not living up to the expectations of what I should be, fuelled by my perception of others who can (“I can’t believe I am so useless I can’t do X…”). And yet for too long I wore my superman outfit to work every day, creating those same fears and anxieties in those around me. I became inhuman. And I can tell you it didn’t work… for me… or for my teams… ultimately destroying value for the business, rather than creating it.
And then one day, after medication, therapy and a mass of introspection I tried a new approach. Let’s just be me — warts and all. Let me share my anxieties and worries, tear down the wall between the public and private me, expose my weaknesses and blind spots. Stepping into the void…
…and it worked. Bringing my whole self to work every day, with no facade, no bravado, no inhumanity made me literally a million times happier, more relaxed, and.. more effective. And if it made me a million times more effective the same can be said for my teams too — who were engaged, motivated, and excited. A belief in the fundamental good of people, of our common human nature and the drive of almost all to to the right thing when given the tools to do so creates a platform which in my opinion, leads to superior value creation in the long term.
My critical learning of leaderships — celebrate, and demonstrate, your humanity. Don’t hide it. Superman doesn’t really exist
P.s. A short cut I’ve found to identify human vs inhuman leaders — super-human leaders will usually revert to hiring and firing regularly, especially when they are new in a role. Human leaders will focus much more on coaching and development and the team they inherit will often go on to great things, with very little turnover.
P.p.s. Not creating a facade of being fearless, striding out in the front of the battle, does not mean doing the exact opposite — hiding at the back whilst expecting others to do things you wouldn’t countenance. Rather it’s about a demonstrating a mutual understand of we are all in this together. During peak COVID in 2020 I made a point of being the last one out of the office as it closed and the first one back when it re-opened, rather than hiding out at home. Not because I wanted to make a show of bravado to get others to do things they were worried about, but because my role was to be there, in the trenches with the team, showing I wasn’t expecting them to do things I was not happy to do myself.
